Character is, for the most part, simply habit become fixed.

If I were a better person....If I were a better person I would;

Finish the things I started. I would actually do the things I said I was going to. I would work harder. I would've cared about high school. I would've done my homework and gotten my ass out of bed on time. I would've continued with uni.

I would care more about what I look like. I would take the dogs for a walk every day. I would get my hair done, get my nails done, wear nicer clothes. I wouldn't be so fat. I would try to fix the things I don't like about my body instead of complaining about them.

I wouldn't spend all my time contemplating what I should be doing. I wouldn't put things off and procrastinate.

If I were a better person I would tell people how I'm feeling and let people in. I wouldn't bottle things up and let them explode. I would be more accepting of stupid people who annoy me. I would forgive people instead of holding things against them.

I would have thought about money at a younger age. I would've thought about what I wanted to do with my life and gone after it. I would care about my life more than I do. I would care about life more than I do.

If I were a better person, people might care more about me.

But I'm not a better person. On a scale of the devil to perfection, I'm closer to hell than heaven. And actually...I'm almost alright with that. I know I'll never be beautiful, or smart or beloved by all, or powerful, or important. It's a good thing to know what you're not. Because then you can find out what you are.

And what am I?

I'm lazy. I love books. I'm addicted to sleep. And chocolate. I don't like people touching me until I'm ready. I'm a bitch. I don't like most children. I adore animals. I find myself funny. Sarcasm is my defence against compliments, rudeness, jokes - most things really. I love and hate being the centre of attention. I dance badly. I sing worse. I remember lyrics to horrible songs. I'm predictable. I'm unpredictable. I'm proud. I'm stand-offish. I'm cruel. I'm kind - to the right people, depending on the situation. I'm freckly and I like that. I'm fat and I don't like that. But I don't hate it enough to do anything about it. I have no willpower. I have low bladder control and low self confidence. I'm selfish. I care. I don't share things with people. I shut down when I don't like what I'm hearing.

I am me. I could be so much better than I am. I could also be worse.

I don't know whether I will grow towards perfection or the devil.

All I know is, I am me. For now, this is it. Most people don't like it. Don't get it.

But I hope that there are a few that do. That care. That love me. Even with all my faults and crap.