I don't mind falling in the water, no on ever notices me, I play under the waves.

Yesterday I sat across from the nicest-smelling man that I've ever sat near. He was quite alright on the eyes too. I would just get wafts of whatever he was wearing and it smelled so damned pretty that I'm now wondering whether it was a girl's perfume, it smelled so nice. Whatever it was, it made him delectable. 

You know when there's someone near you and your eyes automatically drift to them and you can't help but stare? I was doing that to him. It's always worse doing that to someone directly across from you, cause they can see you doing it. I just couldn't stop myself. The fragrance he was wearing and his face was nice to look at and he had pretty eyes. Although he didn't look to happy.

I caught him watching/looking at me a few times to and I kept thinking to myself "dammit, why didn't I put on makeup today". We did the whole as soon as I catch you, we will both look away really quickly. It wasn't a flirty thing at all, although I wouldn't have minded in the least, haha. I don't know what was happening there...it was odd.

It was one of those...events....things....issues where you don't smile, you don't say anything, but both parties keep staring? And both parties keep catching the other one staring...then it's like "I caught you staring...but I only caught you because I was staring at you' kind of things.

I don't know, it was weird. And yet fun at the same time. Odd. Didn't meant to spend this much time talking about it.

So Danni's b'day dinner has now come and gone. I had a good time flitting between the tables, mingling at MY party, haha. I quite enjoyed telling the random people to go away. Everyone else seemed to enjoy watching me do it... I don't know why, I didn't think it was that bad, but people stared at me funny after that. Bah, I like doing it :P

Had a lot more stuff to write but now I can't remember.

Finally, it's happened to me, right in front of my face

That song's stuck in my head! That and Enrique Iglasias or however you spell his name. Two songs mashing in my head. I'm kind of enjoying it, but after 4 hours of the same bit of music, it's getting old. Anyway...

Hairspray is finally done! Which makes me happy. Stuff those two who never got back to me and only said maybe! 8 people is enough for one outing. Now I just need everyone to pay me and I'll be happy.

It's ridiculous how happy I am with out seats! Fingers crossed everyone else is happy with them cause tough-titties if they aren't.

Just papercut my finger. Stinging like a mad-man right now!

Feeling better about all of this stuff. Danni's is tonight, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANNI btw. Just another way of contacting you...now I jus tneed to email &  call you and it'll be good :) You love me!

So Danni's tonight, Danni's present saturday. Then next friday DRINKLYMPICS! Then hairspray then I'm never fucking organising anything ever again! People take to long to respond - not everyone mind you, but most - and it pisses me off so from now on, I'm not doing it...

...I'll totes go back on that promise, I like being in charge...but dammit, if people piss me off, they are being un-invited!

Re-reading this, I look like I'm in a bitchy mood but I promise I'm not. Just goes to show I can be a bitch even when i'm happy :)

Always plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

Why si it so goddamned hard for people to reply?! Some people are great,a a few minutes and you've got the answer you want. Other people, it takes weeks and they still don't answer you.


I'm organising multiple shit for everyone and I'm tyring to make everyone happy and not take over too much and let others have a say and I'm waiting, waiting, always waiting on fucking others who bitch when they aren't included yet they don't help when they are!

Fucking people, sometimes you piss me off and you don't even bloody know it.

Planning, planning, always planning!

I'm getting more excited the more shit gets done for things.

Danni & I got almost everything done this past weekend for drinklympics. We've fingured out games, rules, how people will be scored etc. From our point of view, it's going to be soo much fun. We've got games people know and quite  a few that people don't. We had such a fun time figuring everything out, I've got my fingers crossed that everything works out well.

We just need some more people to rsvp - the more people, the better this evening is going to be. If it's a success, I think we should make in an annual thing!

I've got Danni's b'day presents worked out...will pay for them soonish.

I've got Nick & sonsie's b'day presents worked out & paid for.

I've got Tully's b'day present sorted out.

2012 if a few weeks closer and I'm failry confident that I've found the cheapest and best value airline.

I've almost paid off mum, then I'll have to think about paying gran back :S

I'm happy that most of my plans are falling into place.

Will have to start saving & book in my tattoo next!!! Got that all figured out too....just bring on the $$$$!!

Lots of other things to say but I'll do that later on, almost finished workies, yay! Better not rain on me!

Dreams are the touchstones of our character H.D.Thoreau

I had the weirdest..set of dreams last night/this morning. You know the kind of dreams you have that blend together yet you know they're aren't the same?


Anyway....the first one I was at Danni's house...but it wasn't Danni's house, it loked like my cousin Sam's house...but their house looked like what it looks like in my dreams...I know that doesn't make sense but whatever.


So, I'm in the living room and I see Alan sitting on the couch and Frankee's just walked out of the room. They're 'together' together. I'm having an argument with Alan about us having to deal with each other, suck it up and be nice kind of thing. So then he walks out of the room after we've decided to be friendly, Danni's standing in the doorway and neither of them say anything to each other, or seem to see each other. It's like they were on two different planes of existence and only I could see them both at the same time. Danni was smiling and happy and really blonde :P Her hair was wavy and sitting just on her shoulders and very, very blond.


Then there's like a blank/black gap in my memory and I'm sitting in a crumbling old like parlour room and there's people sitting all around and I walk to a table and there's a massive newspaper on it so I grab it and see all these photos of people and I know them, they're sitting all around me in the parlour room. The newspaper says that they're all dead, that they died in this hotel and it had been shut down because of it.


You know in scary movies when the main character realises he/she's actually dead and the people they know/are with are all dead too and then the walls crumble even more and everything looks like it should? Well my dream went backwards. Upon realising I was with a bunch of dead people/ghosts/whatever, everything got better. The lights came on, a the wallpaper was complete and vibrant. Everything got better.


Then another black gap and I'm in my house. I've got two new pets. Two turtles and get this, it was a cross between a lizard a dog and an alligator. A dog-lizard-alligator..an alligator-lizard-dog, I can't tell which way it is. So I've got all of these creatures in my house in a tub in my room. Just a tub of water and they're all sitting in it.


So then I'm going out to feed Pearl and I leave the door open. I come back and the turtles have peed all over the floor and the lizard/dog has run out into the backyard, I start screaming that its gotten out so James runs out to grab it, pulling it by its tail as it tries to disappear into the piles of branches in our backyard that we use for bonfires. I go back inside and find that the two turtles have also gotten out. I find one and put it back inside, closing the door. 


Going down, I help pull the alligator-lizard-dog and I've got my legs wrapped around it...its like a furry, dark green thing with a loong tail. So I've got my legs wrapepd around it , holding it down and my hands are trying to hold its jaws together. It has teeth like an alligator, sticking out all over the place. I'm looking into its eyes and talking to it, trying to get it to calm down. Finally it does and I let go of its mouth and it licks my cheek.


Mum and James are stnading there watching me and I start to cry. Even to my ears, my voice is annoying.  I keep saying "we need to find Zoe, we need to find her" for some reason I've only just noticed that she's run away and I just keep saying to mum "we need to find her"


Then my alarm went off. Maybe it was the sleeping in a different bed thing or getting to sleep in a bit more than usual...I dunno, but they were the weirdest dream/s I've had in a while.

The heart will cease to beat; for all things must die - Tenneyson

Do you ever get that feeling in your chest when you realise that, someone you thought you knew has hidden something from you, a part of themselves that they didn't want you to know about and they didn't want to include you in.


Looking at pictures, I'm getting that feeling now and I know that it shouldn't upset me, but in a weird way it does. Could you imagine, someoneyou've known for almost a decade, someone at one time or other you would have thought you'd be able to share anything and everything with...just...not wanting you in this part of their lives.


It's funny what, we as human beings, see as our own and what we will and won't share with those around us. I know there are certain things that I'm not prepared to talk about - with anybody - and other people have their things that they won't share with one person but will with another...  


I wonder if it's because of what reaction they think they'll get and not wanting to face rejection, or whether they're so totally oblivious to what the other person wants and needs from them that the thought just never pops into their heads to share that piece of themselves.


I'm tired, and nostalgic/sad/out of sorts/chestpains when I think about it.


Bed time.

“A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow”

I've always been one of those people that, when interested in something, I'm a fabulous planner. I have much more fun actually planning something than the event itself. I've got a few things to plan right now and I've just written up a quick outline of the next thing that's coming up for me and I can just see it now in my head and the plan is flawless...until I realise who I'm inviting for said plan and realise that my pretty rigid timeframe will probably be blown to shit from the get go.

BUT! I have faith in myself that I'll be able to keep fairly closely to it...It's going to be such a good time, I just hope that other variables fall into place because otherwise this planning has all been for nothing.

2012....oh, I cannot wait for 2012 to come. I'm just hoping and praying that it meets my expectations! I'm trying to bring myself down off cloud 9 everytime I get my 2012 notebook out and look at all the things we'll be doing and how much money I'm going to need to save up...I really need to get my ass in gear on that one. Need to find a second job really, to get some spending money or something! 

Anyway, I'm just excited. I am the planning Queen!

"Show me a man or a woman alone and I'll show you a saint. Give me two and they'll fall in love. Give me three and they'll invent the charming thing we call 'society'. Give me four and they'll build a pyramid. Give me five and they'll make one an outcast. Give me six and they'll reinvent prejudice. Give me seven and in seven years they'll reinvent warfare. Man may have been made in the image of God, but human society was made in the image of His opposite number, and is always trying to get back home." - Glen Bateman, The Stand


Think that quote is fairly accurate, and couldn't fit it in the title.


Has realised after going over money and my bills, that I have none and many bills so I won't be doing a whole lot for the next few weeks/months in the way of anything fun that costs money :P No more drinking for me for a while. Or any kind of fun stuff :P


House-sitting my Gran's house in Carrum downs starting from Thursday til....the 7th of October. Will people want to come over ot shall I just hide out in my own little world for that time?


Would really like to start writing again. I just don't have the motivation at the times I can do it, and I don't have the tools to write when I have the inclination. I love writing free-hand but I always seem to be re-writing the same parts of the same stories, just in slightly different ways. I'm always starting a new story, but I can never seem to finish them. I have ideas on endings, but I like writing things in order. I dunno.... I have enough time to write on here don't I?! But its so much easier writing crap on here that everyone sees rather than stories that I try to make perfect that no one will ever see.

"I guess I'm not much of a writer" - Larry Underwood, The Stand

Started reading 'The Stand" - Richard King the other week. It's taking me a lot longer than I thought it would because its friggen massive - didn't realise just how tiny the writing was when I grabbed it off the shelf.

It makes me wonder though, if a super virus or something or other managed to wipe out 99.9% of the population, would I survive, first off - and if I did, how the hell would I survive in a world without technology, and money, and people providing for me?

The book was first written in the 80's, then re-done for the 90's but now, in 2010, we rely more and more on technology. I don't know how I'd figure out getting fresh water if all the taps were turned off, where to get meat when everything available went off. How to get petrol when the pumps wouldn't work - how to survive in a new world without rules and regulations.

I know all of these things sounds stupid but I just can't see myself surviving for that long in a place with no internet, now electricity. Would I then seek other people or just revert into myself and just slink around in the shadows?

Although, thinking about all those shops just waiting to be plundered does make me smile. Soooo much 'stuff' just lying around going to waste is very attractive. What can I say, I'm a closet thief....although I would guess most of us are, when faced with no consequences and the world at our disposal.

Also in the novel, for those who haven't yet read it or know anything about it, a virus comes out in America, almost 100% communicable, kills millions. Then the survivors start having dreams. One of a 108-year-old black woman who represents God and 'the dark man', Flagg, who represents the Devil. Most people have dreams about both, and whether you're inherently good or bad, the opposite of themselves scares them. 

I wonder what side I'd be on, really. I know I'm a biiiiig bitch, and I could go either way. Whether I'd follow my good side, which can come out, every now and then, or whether I'd embrace my dark side and go totally postal. Or if I'd ignore them both and just live in seclusion.

I don't know what I'd do...we'll just have to wait and see.