Inspect every piece of pseudoscience and you will find a security blanket, a thumb to suck, a skirt to hold - Isaac Asimov

I quite enjoy wallowing in self-pity. Its a great safety blanket and in a weird way, it makes me feel better...makes me feel more like me.

I like the positive jas but she doesn't come out very often and when she does, I have a half loving, half loathing thing with her.

She's what I should be at all times, what I strive to be, what I want the future to be.

But then what do I do with negative jas? What do I do with all her history, her stories, her reactions.

I have to make a brand new person and chuck the old. I know I need to change a lot of things because I make the people around me unhappy...but where to start? How do you abandon all those mannerisms and ways of speaking and reacting?

I don't know what to replace them with and when to put them into play.

But I want to. I need to. I want to make everyone happy and not pull them down into my shit.

It's hard though. It's hard to change and let go of everything that makes me happy.

But I know I can be happier.

Goddamn...too many excuses and 'but's' in here.

I'm such a whining bitch.

What the hell was point again?