Intuition is a suspension of logic due to impatience

I've noticed more and more lately, and I don't know whether it's just me or people as a whole, but I'm being more and more impatient as time goes on.

I want answers to my questions as soon as I ask them. I want the knowledge and I want to learn so I can put things into practise right then and there. I want to book an appointment and have it set for the next day. I want to send a message and have a reply within the next ten seconds.

I want I want I want. That's all I seem to say lately. On top of that, I want it and I want it NOW.

I have a feeling that my impatience has grown due to Facebook, just a little bit. Facebook has made me feel like everyone's online and they have nothing better to do than just wait for a message from me and they have to reply as soon as they see the message.

I don't blame it all on facebook though. I've always been shit at waiting for something, especially when it's something I really want. I'll dwell on it, write out a plan of attack if I can, obsess over it then store it away, trying not to think about it until closer to the date that I can do/have/access it.

And it's put out of my mind with obsessing over something else, putting all of my thoughts into the next thing that I'll have to wait for, and the next and the next.

Obsession. I'm fairly obsessive, even if people don't realise or notice it. I can hold onto things for a long time. Especially when they're unattainable or if it's something I desperately want.

But I was talking about impatience....although I guess obsession ties into it pretty nicely. Oh well, it's another topic for another day.

The tattoo attracts and also repels precisely because it is different

It was a hard choice for a title today, I like these quotes too:

The world is divided into two kinds of people:  those who have tattoos, and those who are afraid of people with tattoos  ~Author Unknown

Ink to paper is thoughtful
Ink to flesh, hard-core.
If Shakespeare were a tattooist
We'd appreciate body art more ~Carrie Latet

Your body is a temple, but how long can you live in the same house before you redecorate?  ~Author Unknown
Not one great country can be named, from the polar regions in the north to New Zealand in the south, in which the aborigines do not tattoo themselves.  ~Charles Darwin, The Descent of Man

When the designs are chosen with care, tattoos have a power and magic all their own.  They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul.  ~Michelle Delio

Okay, no more tattoo quotes...for now.

I've been doing homework for one of my tafe subject, desktop publishing, and for a few of the assessments, you had to pick a subject and make into a newsletter, write articles about, blah blah blah.

So, I picked tattooing. 

For me, I've never seen tattooing as something dirty, I'm not using tattoos to 'fill the emptiness' of my life. I don't see it as something against 'God' or religion, for me tattooing is kind of like a religion.

When most people think about body art and getting saggy and old and wrinkly, they seem...I don't know, disgusted with the thought of tattoos fading, stretching, become something other than they were. I like the idea of it. I look forward to seeing what colour my skin will be, what shapes and countours the pictures on me will take in ten, twenty, fifty years time.

I know that people still think of them as dirty, associated with bikers and gangs and unclean back rooms in bars and seedy parlours.

I just find it ridiculous that some people think that tattoos are just...used to fill a hole, that someone's not comfortable with themselves, that they don't have any self esteem - and that's why they get tattoos.

I think that is a load of shit.

My tattoos give me a self-confidence boost. They make me feel better about myself, because now I have something of beauty on me. Now I have something worthy of being seen on my skin. Now I have something that represents me and my personality more than my 'normal' body ever has.

Now I have an excuse to show myself off a bit. Because I wouldn't do it normally.

I can picture hypothetical tattoos on myself, where they'll sit, what colours they'll be, what would look good next to it, surrounding it with other pictures. Makes me want another one even more now, 4 weeks and 2 days to go. 

Tattoos aren't permanent. They really aren't, because we don't live forever. They fade, they can be removed, they can be cut out. We die and we don't take our bodies with us. How can your soul take something with you that's attached to your body?  

Civilization begins with order, grows with liberty and dies with chaos

You get used to seeing certain things on the way to and from work. People rushing for the trains and trams so they're not late for work, people pushing into each other for a seat, then getting out their books and ipods to block out the world.

I'm used to patterns and routines of my morning commute to work, especially once I get off the tram and walk. I'm in a routine of seeing certain people in their spots along the way and I was rather disappointed this morning because I didn't see one of 'my people'.

There's shorts girl. No matter what the weather, she'll always be in the same pair of dark blue short shorts and a pair of runners with her backpack. It's been raining, freezing, humid, windy, sunny - she's never let me down by wearing stockings or a skirt or - god-forbid - a pair of pants.

Then you've got computer guy. He sits in the same spot every morning - in the window on the right where everyone can see him - with his laptop out, coffee on his right hand side, looking like he's been up for hours, staring at the computer screen. He doens't look nerdy, but that's all he seems to do.

And lastly we have...I don't have a nickname for him yet, because I can't choose between 'angles man' and 'the shnoz'. He's a skinny beanpole with all angled features and the biggest nose I've seen since Pinocchio. He's always walking to work in the opposite direction of me, nice looking suit hanging off his skinny frame and backpack swining off one arm.

I wonder whether these people notice me as much as I notice them. Maybe they could call me ipod girl or fatty or freckles or something along those lines, I don't know. I wonder whether there's someone whose noticed my daily routine and yet I haven't noticed that theirs coincides with my own.

Eh, I doubt it, but it would be kinda cool...in a weird, slightly odd way of course.

People watching, creepy when someone does it to you ,but perfectly acceptable when you're the one doing it.      

Memory is a crazy woman that hoards colored rags and throws away food

I had lots of great ideas to write about the past couple of weeks and since then have just plain forgotten them.

For the past two days I've been pressing snooze on my alarms in the morning because I want to get back to my dream, and that works, I've always been able to slip back into my dream if I've just woken up then gone back to sleep and then I can remember them and tell people the trippy, LSD-like dream that I had - or so I think they would be like.

But the past two days, as soon as I get up adn out of bed after pressing snooze 3 or 4 times, my dream slips entirely from my mind. I've been able to recall it after every snooze-button hit but for some reason, as soon as I tell myself to get out of bed, my dream just disappears like a puff of smoke. No matter how hard I try to recall it, I can't.

You know when you try to remember something and you can feel the memory in your head, it's floating around you, taunting you, tickling at you because it's right there in front of you but you just can't reach out and grab it, can't recall it.

I don't know if that makes sense, screw proofreading, I really don't mind if it makes no sense, cause no one reads this anyway.

Bubbles.

I like to think that I'm accepting of all people, no matter what their race, religion, gender or orientation of any kind, but I'm not. Not really. None of us are. I don't think anyone can truly be accepting of everyone in the world. I've never met a person who doesn't have prejudices, no matter how small.

Whoever doesn't fit into our idea of 'acceptable' is written off. Sure, we like to think that we're trying to be apathetic or empathetic...any type of 'etic' really. But, can someone truly be apathetic and empathetic towards someone whose views we don't share without being condescending? 'Well, good for him, for thinking that if he doesn't eat this/goes to that church on that day/says those words, then he's going to have a happy life/get everything he wants/appease his God/go to heaven' insert appropriate line hear.

We want those who don't fit into our idea of an 'accepting world' to hop on board and ride with us, come to our side, our way of thinking and be accepting, just like us. Do we not realise that they want us to do exactly the same thing?! That it's contradictory?

"Come on, be accepting of other cultures, we're not accepting of yours, but that's not the point, LOVE THE OTHER PEOPLE!" 

The extremists, the religious, the straight, gay, the agnostics, the athiests, the right wing, left wing, whatever...it doesn't matter what their views are, but we've all got our own little bubbles and we slot things into 'right and 'wrong'.

What's right to someone, what's normal and average is extreme to someone else.

I'm accepting of most things out there....that I know about anyway. The older I get, the more I realise I'm so naive when it comes to the world...but I'm going off on a tangent here...I don't really see any reason not to try and put yourself in other people's shoes and see the world through their eyes. But it's not easy. Unless you immerse yourself in who that person is, why they think and feel the way that they do and realise that, yes, humans are similar in many ways, but we're all so different at the same time.

In the end, we all want the same types of things. Love. Money. Hope. Family. Unity. Happiness. Security. Peace. Life. Heaven.

Those words are so easy to write, to say, to pine over and strive for but very few people get half of these things, let alone all of them. And as for the last one...who knows, but that's a whole different topic.

We all follow different paths to get the things we all want, just depending on how you look at things, what bubbles you slot your actions and beliefs into.

That's what makes us human I guess. The choice to live the way we want, and fuck the rest of them and what the deem 'right' and 'wrong'

If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, and inspires your hopes.

I haven't been able to control my emotions as much as I would like as of lately - whether they be good, bad or different.

Just getting an unexpected coffee delivery and not fucking anything up at work today (so far) has put me in such a good mood I don't know what to do with my happiness. It's just bursting out of everywhere right now and all I can do is smile to myself and write on a page that no one reads...which kind of puts a downer on things if I think of it that way...

But if I just imagine this to be a dairy, rather than a book, I wouldn't want anyone to read it and therefore it maked everything okay again. I sometimes get confused as to whether I'm writing on this for people or for myself as an outlet.

I like to think that I don't need others to read this and sometimes I even fall for it, silly girl. But of course I would at least like to think there's someone, anyone out there who gives a crap as to what I'm thinking or doing or feeling.

Everyone responds as soon as you put something morose or depressing on fb - even some people who you think shouldn't be pressing 'like' on sad statuses...but fb is more for fun...just doing something to fill up the time. I would rather people actually look on here and read my ramblings...but what the hell am I saying, that I need an audience to all of my shit?

I guess so.

The worlds a stage I guess. And really, do our lives mean anything if we don't have people there watching it, participating in it, becoming key figures in it? What is the point of life if you don't leave your mark on something? On someone?

I'm still in my happy mood....my fingers seem to have a life of their own sometimes and they go off on tangents....my brian does that too...whole body really.

I don't wnat to make this too long but I feel the need to just keep writing, like an itch I can't scratch.

I want to start writing again, finish off all those stupid little stories I started when I was like 16. But I can't find the motivation. I don't feel....inspired? At work, when I've got the time and when I'm home, I don't have a computer to write on.

I'll try one day soon to start again. But for now, I'll just be happy and enjoy the day and the weather and life. Yes.

Inspect every piece of pseudoscience and you will find a security blanket, a thumb to suck, a skirt to hold - Isaac Asimov

I quite enjoy wallowing in self-pity. Its a great safety blanket and in a weird way, it makes me feel better...makes me feel more like me.

I like the positive jas but she doesn't come out very often and when she does, I have a half loving, half loathing thing with her.

She's what I should be at all times, what I strive to be, what I want the future to be.

But then what do I do with negative jas? What do I do with all her history, her stories, her reactions.

I have to make a brand new person and chuck the old. I know I need to change a lot of things because I make the people around me unhappy...but where to start? How do you abandon all those mannerisms and ways of speaking and reacting?

I don't know what to replace them with and when to put them into play.

But I want to. I need to. I want to make everyone happy and not pull them down into my shit.

It's hard though. It's hard to change and let go of everything that makes me happy.

But I know I can be happier.

Goddamn...too many excuses and 'but's' in here.

I'm such a whining bitch.

What the hell was point again?

You're Just Like Me.

I wrote this in I think, 2006. At first, I didn't even recognise it and who this was for. It took me a while to firgure out that I'd actually written it, not just copy and pasted it from somewhere.

I am listening, but I cannot hear.
My eyes are open but I cannot see.
You are so close, and yet so far.
How can I not notice, you are just like me.
We are all the same, we are all just waiting to be heard.
But our turn may never come,
We may just be lost in the crowd.

It's not that we don't want to notice,
It's not that we don't care,
But we're not looking for those feelings,
We don't want to find them there.
You are so strong, so trusting and so true,
There was never a moment I thought I needed to doubt you.
But you are like me in that way,
You never show what your heart wants to say.

You were my fort,
My pillar of strength.
The smiles, the laughter,
That's where I put my faith.

But you smile was a cover,
Your laughter a cry.
And when I finally figured that out,
I just wanted to die.

How could I be so blind,
To not see your fear and dout.
You needed to be rescued,
That's what this was all about.

How could I be so stupid
That I couldn't see this coming.
Do you see me now?
Can you see me running?

No - I will be here, your pillar of strength
Standing tall & strong
Because you've been here for me
You've been there all along.

Has hit the wall.

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast

Haha, I like this quote.

I pressed the snooze button today when I specifically told myself that I wasn't going to press the snooze button today! I'm annoyed that I don't listen to myself more often.

It's funny what strangers think is embarrassing. My pants were stuck into my sock at this guy behind me rushes up - he was fairly cute btw - and tells me that I wouldn't want to look embarrassing with my pants stuck a tiny, itty bit in my sock. 

I don't find that embarrassing or stupid at all really...now if it was toilet paper stuck to me, THEN I would've felt embarrassed.

Haha, that actually happened about a month ago. I was at Flidner Station, went to the loo and almost got to the door before a lovely woman stopped me bfore I walked out with practically a whole toilet roll attached to my shoe.

This is all random shit...I don't know why I'm writing about it but I just feel like I'm in one of those moods you know, when you're tried and you start to say and do and think stupid things...Yeah, I'm in a silly mood today.

Three more sleeps until I'm done at Gran's. But I won't actually be home until...probably Sat night or even Sunday.

I miss my bed. But I'm kind of liking going home to 'my own house'. It's quite nice. Will miss it.

Idiopathic cramps!

Don't worry, its not THOSE kind of cramps. They're in my legs whilst I'm sleeping!

I'm a little slow on the uptake, but I've finally looked up why the hell I keep getting woken up my my calve muscles cramping. They woke me up again last night and now I'm limping funny because my calf is still not all the way relaxed. This is the second bloody time this week and they always wake me up, it hurts so fucking much.
No one has any idea why this shit happens, it could be multiple things. There's also nothing you can do to stop it really, it's more a 'suck it up and bear it' type thing which is rather annoying considering most people say they go away, mine hangs around the whole of the next day.

Ultimate-bloody-leg-cramp!

So here are the possible reasons why this occurs;

Some drugs can cause cramps as a side-effect, or make cramps occur more often. These include: diuretics ('water tablets'), nifedipine, cimetidine, salbutamol, statins, terbutaline, lithium, clofibrate, penicillamine, phenothiazines, and nicotinic acid. - Well that's not it, not on anything.

Over-exertion of muscles  -haha, definitely not exerting myself.

Dehydration - I drink 2 bottles of water a day.

Conditions that cause alterations in the balance of salts in the bloodstream (such as a high or low sodium or potassium level). - I had maccas for dinner last night? High sodium intake, possibility, but doesn't explain the one at the start of the week.

Some people who have renal (kidney) dialysis get leg cramps - I'm not yellow so that's a no.

Pregnancy - usually in the later stages - immaculate conception exception, nope.

An un-treated under-active thyroid gland - gosh i hope not.

Peripheral vascular disease (narrowing of the leg arteries which causes poor circulation) - that ones doesn't sounds good but not likely.

Excess alcohol - I wish!

Some uncommon disorders of nerves - I don't like the idea of that.

Rare causes include: cirrhosis of the liver; lead poisoning; sarcoidosis - O_0 Holy hell, please not that!

Now, these are all a vague yet small possibility, then I found this;

In most cases the cause is not known. One theory is that cramps occur when a muscle that is already in a shortened position is stimulated to contract. As the muscle is already shortened, to contract further may cause the muscle to go into spasm. This commonly happens at night in bed as the natural position we lie in is with the knees slightly bent (flexed), and with feet pointing slightly downwards. In this position the calf muscle is relatively shortened and may be prone to cramps. This theory explains why stretching exercises may cure the problem.

DING-DING-DING, we have a winner!

So, not to self - don't tuck in your sheets or blankets and try not to point your toes whilst sleeping. How the hell do I stop myself doing that while I sleep!!!

I don't mind falling in the water, no on ever notices me, I play under the waves.

Yesterday I sat across from the nicest-smelling man that I've ever sat near. He was quite alright on the eyes too. I would just get wafts of whatever he was wearing and it smelled so damned pretty that I'm now wondering whether it was a girl's perfume, it smelled so nice. Whatever it was, it made him delectable. 

You know when there's someone near you and your eyes automatically drift to them and you can't help but stare? I was doing that to him. It's always worse doing that to someone directly across from you, cause they can see you doing it. I just couldn't stop myself. The fragrance he was wearing and his face was nice to look at and he had pretty eyes. Although he didn't look to happy.

I caught him watching/looking at me a few times to and I kept thinking to myself "dammit, why didn't I put on makeup today". We did the whole as soon as I catch you, we will both look away really quickly. It wasn't a flirty thing at all, although I wouldn't have minded in the least, haha. I don't know what was happening there...it was odd.

It was one of those...events....things....issues where you don't smile, you don't say anything, but both parties keep staring? And both parties keep catching the other one staring...then it's like "I caught you staring...but I only caught you because I was staring at you' kind of things.

I don't know, it was weird. And yet fun at the same time. Odd. Didn't meant to spend this much time talking about it.

So Danni's b'day dinner has now come and gone. I had a good time flitting between the tables, mingling at MY party, haha. I quite enjoyed telling the random people to go away. Everyone else seemed to enjoy watching me do it... I don't know why, I didn't think it was that bad, but people stared at me funny after that. Bah, I like doing it :P

Had a lot more stuff to write but now I can't remember.

Finally, it's happened to me, right in front of my face

That song's stuck in my head! That and Enrique Iglasias or however you spell his name. Two songs mashing in my head. I'm kind of enjoying it, but after 4 hours of the same bit of music, it's getting old. Anyway...

Hairspray is finally done! Which makes me happy. Stuff those two who never got back to me and only said maybe! 8 people is enough for one outing. Now I just need everyone to pay me and I'll be happy.

It's ridiculous how happy I am with out seats! Fingers crossed everyone else is happy with them cause tough-titties if they aren't.

Just papercut my finger. Stinging like a mad-man right now!

Feeling better about all of this stuff. Danni's is tonight, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANNI btw. Just another way of contacting you...now I jus tneed to email &  call you and it'll be good :) You love me!

So Danni's tonight, Danni's present saturday. Then next friday DRINKLYMPICS! Then hairspray then I'm never fucking organising anything ever again! People take to long to respond - not everyone mind you, but most - and it pisses me off so from now on, I'm not doing it...

...I'll totes go back on that promise, I like being in charge...but dammit, if people piss me off, they are being un-invited!

Re-reading this, I look like I'm in a bitchy mood but I promise I'm not. Just goes to show I can be a bitch even when i'm happy :)

Always plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

Why si it so goddamned hard for people to reply?! Some people are great,a a few minutes and you've got the answer you want. Other people, it takes weeks and they still don't answer you.


I'm organising multiple shit for everyone and I'm tyring to make everyone happy and not take over too much and let others have a say and I'm waiting, waiting, always waiting on fucking others who bitch when they aren't included yet they don't help when they are!

Fucking people, sometimes you piss me off and you don't even bloody know it.

Planning, planning, always planning!

I'm getting more excited the more shit gets done for things.

Danni & I got almost everything done this past weekend for drinklympics. We've fingured out games, rules, how people will be scored etc. From our point of view, it's going to be soo much fun. We've got games people know and quite  a few that people don't. We had such a fun time figuring everything out, I've got my fingers crossed that everything works out well.

We just need some more people to rsvp - the more people, the better this evening is going to be. If it's a success, I think we should make in an annual thing!

I've got Danni's b'day presents worked out...will pay for them soonish.

I've got Nick & sonsie's b'day presents worked out & paid for.

I've got Tully's b'day present sorted out.

2012 if a few weeks closer and I'm failry confident that I've found the cheapest and best value airline.

I've almost paid off mum, then I'll have to think about paying gran back :S

I'm happy that most of my plans are falling into place.

Will have to start saving & book in my tattoo next!!! Got that all figured out too....just bring on the $$$$!!

Lots of other things to say but I'll do that later on, almost finished workies, yay! Better not rain on me!

Dreams are the touchstones of our character H.D.Thoreau

I had the weirdest..set of dreams last night/this morning. You know the kind of dreams you have that blend together yet you know they're aren't the same?


Anyway....the first one I was at Danni's house...but it wasn't Danni's house, it loked like my cousin Sam's house...but their house looked like what it looks like in my dreams...I know that doesn't make sense but whatever.


So, I'm in the living room and I see Alan sitting on the couch and Frankee's just walked out of the room. They're 'together' together. I'm having an argument with Alan about us having to deal with each other, suck it up and be nice kind of thing. So then he walks out of the room after we've decided to be friendly, Danni's standing in the doorway and neither of them say anything to each other, or seem to see each other. It's like they were on two different planes of existence and only I could see them both at the same time. Danni was smiling and happy and really blonde :P Her hair was wavy and sitting just on her shoulders and very, very blond.


Then there's like a blank/black gap in my memory and I'm sitting in a crumbling old like parlour room and there's people sitting all around and I walk to a table and there's a massive newspaper on it so I grab it and see all these photos of people and I know them, they're sitting all around me in the parlour room. The newspaper says that they're all dead, that they died in this hotel and it had been shut down because of it.


You know in scary movies when the main character realises he/she's actually dead and the people they know/are with are all dead too and then the walls crumble even more and everything looks like it should? Well my dream went backwards. Upon realising I was with a bunch of dead people/ghosts/whatever, everything got better. The lights came on, a the wallpaper was complete and vibrant. Everything got better.


Then another black gap and I'm in my house. I've got two new pets. Two turtles and get this, it was a cross between a lizard a dog and an alligator. A dog-lizard-alligator..an alligator-lizard-dog, I can't tell which way it is. So I've got all of these creatures in my house in a tub in my room. Just a tub of water and they're all sitting in it.


So then I'm going out to feed Pearl and I leave the door open. I come back and the turtles have peed all over the floor and the lizard/dog has run out into the backyard, I start screaming that its gotten out so James runs out to grab it, pulling it by its tail as it tries to disappear into the piles of branches in our backyard that we use for bonfires. I go back inside and find that the two turtles have also gotten out. I find one and put it back inside, closing the door. 


Going down, I help pull the alligator-lizard-dog and I've got my legs wrapped around it...its like a furry, dark green thing with a loong tail. So I've got my legs wrapepd around it , holding it down and my hands are trying to hold its jaws together. It has teeth like an alligator, sticking out all over the place. I'm looking into its eyes and talking to it, trying to get it to calm down. Finally it does and I let go of its mouth and it licks my cheek.


Mum and James are stnading there watching me and I start to cry. Even to my ears, my voice is annoying.  I keep saying "we need to find Zoe, we need to find her" for some reason I've only just noticed that she's run away and I just keep saying to mum "we need to find her"


Then my alarm went off. Maybe it was the sleeping in a different bed thing or getting to sleep in a bit more than usual...I dunno, but they were the weirdest dream/s I've had in a while.

The heart will cease to beat; for all things must die - Tenneyson

Do you ever get that feeling in your chest when you realise that, someone you thought you knew has hidden something from you, a part of themselves that they didn't want you to know about and they didn't want to include you in.


Looking at pictures, I'm getting that feeling now and I know that it shouldn't upset me, but in a weird way it does. Could you imagine, someoneyou've known for almost a decade, someone at one time or other you would have thought you'd be able to share anything and everything with...just...not wanting you in this part of their lives.


It's funny what, we as human beings, see as our own and what we will and won't share with those around us. I know there are certain things that I'm not prepared to talk about - with anybody - and other people have their things that they won't share with one person but will with another...  


I wonder if it's because of what reaction they think they'll get and not wanting to face rejection, or whether they're so totally oblivious to what the other person wants and needs from them that the thought just never pops into their heads to share that piece of themselves.


I'm tired, and nostalgic/sad/out of sorts/chestpains when I think about it.


Bed time.

“A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow”

I've always been one of those people that, when interested in something, I'm a fabulous planner. I have much more fun actually planning something than the event itself. I've got a few things to plan right now and I've just written up a quick outline of the next thing that's coming up for me and I can just see it now in my head and the plan is flawless...until I realise who I'm inviting for said plan and realise that my pretty rigid timeframe will probably be blown to shit from the get go.

BUT! I have faith in myself that I'll be able to keep fairly closely to it...It's going to be such a good time, I just hope that other variables fall into place because otherwise this planning has all been for nothing.

2012....oh, I cannot wait for 2012 to come. I'm just hoping and praying that it meets my expectations! I'm trying to bring myself down off cloud 9 everytime I get my 2012 notebook out and look at all the things we'll be doing and how much money I'm going to need to save up...I really need to get my ass in gear on that one. Need to find a second job really, to get some spending money or something! 

Anyway, I'm just excited. I am the planning Queen!

"Show me a man or a woman alone and I'll show you a saint. Give me two and they'll fall in love. Give me three and they'll invent the charming thing we call 'society'. Give me four and they'll build a pyramid. Give me five and they'll make one an outcast. Give me six and they'll reinvent prejudice. Give me seven and in seven years they'll reinvent warfare. Man may have been made in the image of God, but human society was made in the image of His opposite number, and is always trying to get back home." - Glen Bateman, The Stand


Think that quote is fairly accurate, and couldn't fit it in the title.


Has realised after going over money and my bills, that I have none and many bills so I won't be doing a whole lot for the next few weeks/months in the way of anything fun that costs money :P No more drinking for me for a while. Or any kind of fun stuff :P


House-sitting my Gran's house in Carrum downs starting from Thursday til....the 7th of October. Will people want to come over ot shall I just hide out in my own little world for that time?


Would really like to start writing again. I just don't have the motivation at the times I can do it, and I don't have the tools to write when I have the inclination. I love writing free-hand but I always seem to be re-writing the same parts of the same stories, just in slightly different ways. I'm always starting a new story, but I can never seem to finish them. I have ideas on endings, but I like writing things in order. I dunno.... I have enough time to write on here don't I?! But its so much easier writing crap on here that everyone sees rather than stories that I try to make perfect that no one will ever see.

"I guess I'm not much of a writer" - Larry Underwood, The Stand

Started reading 'The Stand" - Richard King the other week. It's taking me a lot longer than I thought it would because its friggen massive - didn't realise just how tiny the writing was when I grabbed it off the shelf.

It makes me wonder though, if a super virus or something or other managed to wipe out 99.9% of the population, would I survive, first off - and if I did, how the hell would I survive in a world without technology, and money, and people providing for me?

The book was first written in the 80's, then re-done for the 90's but now, in 2010, we rely more and more on technology. I don't know how I'd figure out getting fresh water if all the taps were turned off, where to get meat when everything available went off. How to get petrol when the pumps wouldn't work - how to survive in a new world without rules and regulations.

I know all of these things sounds stupid but I just can't see myself surviving for that long in a place with no internet, now electricity. Would I then seek other people or just revert into myself and just slink around in the shadows?

Although, thinking about all those shops just waiting to be plundered does make me smile. Soooo much 'stuff' just lying around going to waste is very attractive. What can I say, I'm a closet thief....although I would guess most of us are, when faced with no consequences and the world at our disposal.

Also in the novel, for those who haven't yet read it or know anything about it, a virus comes out in America, almost 100% communicable, kills millions. Then the survivors start having dreams. One of a 108-year-old black woman who represents God and 'the dark man', Flagg, who represents the Devil. Most people have dreams about both, and whether you're inherently good or bad, the opposite of themselves scares them. 

I wonder what side I'd be on, really. I know I'm a biiiiig bitch, and I could go either way. Whether I'd follow my good side, which can come out, every now and then, or whether I'd embrace my dark side and go totally postal. Or if I'd ignore them both and just live in seclusion.

I don't know what I'd do...we'll just have to wait and see.